


A Very Uncomfortable Place

by yuffiehighwind



Series: An Eternity in Cheese Country [10]
Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M, Gen, Knives, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-01
Updated: 2008-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3725395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuffiehighwind/pseuds/yuffiehighwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Discord and Deimos crash a human party and flirt with knives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Uncomfortable Place

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during the time gap between S5 Ep 19 "Looking Death in the Eye" and S5 Ep 20 "Livia."
> 
> There's a little nod to the movie "Mallrats" here. You know the quote.

"How tough is the life of a mortal?"

Deimos didn't stop guzzling the wine bottle to shoot Discord a cross-eyed look over the end. She was sitting across a table from him playing with a knife - the game where a man spreads his fingers out and stabs as fast as he can between the digits. She stopped to pull the knife out of the wood and point it at him. Gulping down the tangy drink, his mouth left purple from the stuff, Deimos put down the bottle, frowned and absently pulled at his earrings.

"Does it matter?"

Discord sighed, which she had been doing a lot.

"I'm just...curious, is all. They seem to, well, _enjoy_ it."

The two were invisible in the midst of an especially wild party, from which they'd swiped the wine. It was a Bacchanalian festival, though Bacchus was nowhere to be found. He was off having fun with some other immortals, who tended to bruise less easily and get his jokes, not to mention treat him like just another guy. None of that groveling and freaking out in his presence that occurred every time he tried to crash a mortal shindig.

Deimos raised an eyebrow and with a feminine flick of his wrist, gestured to the orgy in the next room.

"Only seem? Are you blind?"

The two gods sat next to the only straight men in the whole place, who were busying themselves with a dice game. Discord, whose attitude towards men who wouldn't look twice at her was tolerant bordering on hostile, had shown up to start a fight, while Deimos had come along for the free booze and sex. But the pale goddess somehow kept the fear god procrastinating his seduction of any mortals and the two got drunk together instead.

Logically, mortal food shouldn't affect an immortal, but this was a party for Bacchus, so maybe the god of good times had spiked it.

"You know what I mean. Think of why they're having this gathering."

"To get laid?"

Discord rolled her eyes and picked at the dirt under her nails with the enormous blade.

"To forget about _work._ It's a break from it all. The suffering, the toil, the strife..."

Deimos shook his head.

"I don't think they're quite that cognizant of the sociological reasons for having an orgy."

Discord gave him a confused look while Deimos took another swig of his drink.

"Aww, those words too big for the big bad war goddess?"

She held the knife over his hand resting on the table.

"You afraid I'll drop this?"

Deimos shrugged.

"It'll go right through."

She let it.

"OW!"

The goddess snickered. Her companion put down the wine bottle and tried to pry the knife out of his other hand. It wouldn't budge. He was stuck.

"You dirty cu--"

"Language," she chided, getting up to stand behind one of the gamblers. The men still hadn't noticed their presence, despite the fact empty bottles were starting to pile up though no one had drank any. She wrapped her arms lovingly around the gambler's neck, but he couldn't feel it.

"Mmm, this one's getting angry," she said in a sing-song voice. Deimos continued trying to pull the knife out of his hand, but it was like Excalibur. Why would Discord enchant a stupid blade? There was no blood, but his flesh was cleanly torn straight through. It would heal immediately when the blade was pulled out, but it itched in its sheath between his bones.

"What's the angle? What are you--Hey, what are you doing?"

Discord whispered in the gambler's ear and Deimos could see him start to get visibly upset. She went over to his opponent and did the same, and the man's brow furrowed with suspicion. Returning to her cousin, Discord leaned over to grab the wine bottle, giving Deimos a show of her cleavage. She took a long swig, then slowly licked her lips. Sitting down in Deimos' lap, she swung an arm around his neck and gestured to the gamblers.

Who promptly broke out into a fight.

Deimos stared at his cousin's chest, "cognizant" of her warm fleshiness on his lap. Hand forgotten, he placed the other on her thigh, and she let him. The two sat cuddled watching the argument become physical and other men join in to stop them or to goad them on. When the table was flipped over, Deimos wasn't pulled with it because his hand was released, the blade somersaulting into the air to land neatly, handle-first in Discord's outstretched hand. Flexing his fingers and grinning, Deimos went to grab some more of his cousin's anatomy when she stopped him, blade to his throat. Smiling tipsily, she ran the edge along his skin, cutting him and leaving red trails. He held his breath, which was easy, because gods didn't have to breathe.

"Better than one of them?" she asked.

Deimos appeared to mull it over.

"You're fun to flirt with, but like the men in there, would you let me have you in a very uncomfortable place?"

Wincing, he wrapped his fingers around the knife's blade to pull it away from his neck. She let him take it from her hand. Dropping it on the floor, he reached up to brush some of her black hair out of her face.

"What, you mean like the back of a chariot?" she asked coquettishly.

Deimos' face broke out into an evil grin. Discord held his gaze, but got up to try and disentangle herself from his lap. He pulled her back down.

"No. Not the back of a chariot."


End file.
